My Daily Let Down...

Warning: this blog entry has no fun pictures, upbeat stories or funny quips about life right now. It is just an honest journal entry of my heart right now.

I feel let down on a daily basis.

In my life, I tend to keep pretty high expectations for things...food, haircuts, dates, boys, trips, football games, family holidays, etc. I always think they are going to be the greatest yet...the best ever...and then...

I feel let down when they aren't.

Without naming any names, in the past couple of weeks and months, I have been let down by people. Some that I thought I was really close to and some that held a high place of respect and trust in the past that have let me (and others) down. I have felt forgotten, betrayed and hurt by the actions of these people. I've gone through the stage of being mad and now I find myself just sad about it. My expectations for people are usually pretty high, but this has left me feeling like maybe I should lower my expectations about people in order to avoid getting hurt when they don't live up to them.

This even happened when I moved back to Dallas. My expectations for being back in this town, surrounded with people that I have known almost my whole life, in a city where I run into someone I know almost everywhere, and going to church with others instead of by myself were sky high. I thought my days of staying home alone on a Friday or Saturday night were long gone. Granted, there haven't been very many, but my expectations were none!!! Once again, it has been a let down in terms of my high expectations for what life was going to be like here.

So, why do I keep doing this to myself? God is trying to teach me something through it I know! He has been reminding me over and over again that if I put my trust in people or things, I WILL be let down...but if I put my trust in Him, He will NEVER fail me or forsake me. Why is this so hard for me to learn...and even harder to put into practice?

In high school, my youth pastor, Buddy, gave a message on the following verse and it still is one of my favorite verses on trust:

O my people, trust in him at all times.
Pour out your heart to him,
for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:8

Trusting in God isn't just an occasional thing...it says at ALL times! I feel like I continually pour my heart out to God and ask why or why not about things, and then go seek refuge in something else or someone else. Those things and people never fully satisfy my heart, because God alone is my refuge!!! How silly to go looking for it somewhere else...and then be disappointed when it's not comforting or refuge-like!

I love the way it written in this verse:

But blessed are those who trust in the Lord
and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. Jeremiah 17:7

So, my goal is to begin to put my hope and confidence where I should...in the Lord! I tend to be overly confident about some things...but I need to work on my confidence being in the Lord and the fact that He won't ever let me down!!! So instead of lowering my expectations of people and things, I want to be able to understand that when I feel let down by them, I am not destroyed because I have placed my trust, hope and confidence in someone else...

Happy Birthday to 2 of my favorite people!!!

Today is a great day!!! September 18 has for the past 23 years been my baby brother's birthday! Then 10 years ago when I met one of my best friends, Marisa, it has also been her birthday!!! So, sometimes this can get a little confusing for me, especially when I was living in Charlotte and was mailing gifts to them. One year, I sent Ryan a really cute purse and some earrings and Marisa got a Carolina blue polo shirt and a signed Pat Green poster (which I'm sure she would have kept) but anyway...obviously I got the packages confused at the post office. Now, it is funny because they text eachother to say happy birthday...and I'm sure make sure they got the correct gift from me!

I have so many memories with Marisa...too many to think of and some that can't be written on this blog, so we will just continue to recall and laugh about all of them when we get to hang out together, which thankfully is alot since I am back in Dallas!

As for my brother, I'm sure he doesn't even read this blog...but for the benefit of those who do, I want to say that he is at the top of my list of guys that I respect in this world. He is much smarter, taller, funnier, and Godly than I am but I love him even more for those things! He will always be my little Ry Guy, but it has been great to watch him grow into a man over the years! Some of my favorite memories with him include all the trips we have gone on together, ski slopes we have raced down, lake weekends with the family, and more than that, the tough times that we have been there for each other and for our family! He is the best brother anyone could ask for, and I got him!!!

So, I just want to say that I love love love these two people and am so thankful that they are in my life! This is a big year for both of them. Ryan is celebrating his first married birthday in San Diego with his love, Ashley. And Marisa is leaving her 20's behind and paving the way for all of us to turn 30 this year! :)

Happy birthday to you both!!! Love you very very much!!!

Marisa and I at my brother's rehearsal dinner

The siblings at my brother's wedding in May

A Date has been set!!!

For my NCE Exam...that is!!! :)

October 9th at 9:00am

Feels weird and good at the same time to have a date that I know I am taking this thing!!! After the exam...who knows what? An internship hopefully!!!

Alright, back to studying...in my little nook...in my parents kitchen!!! It's my favorite spot!