Warning: this blog entry has no fun pictures, upbeat stories or funny quips about life right now. It is just an honest journal entry of my heart right now.
I feel let down on a daily basis.
In my life, I tend to keep pretty high expectations for things...food, haircuts, dates, boys, trips, football games, family holidays, etc. I always think they are going to be the greatest yet...the best ever...and then...
I feel let down when they aren't.
Without naming any names, in the past couple of weeks and months, I have been let down by people. Some that I thought I was really close to and some that held a high place of respect and trust in the past that have let me (and others) down. I have felt forgotten, betrayed and hurt by the actions of these people. I've gone through the stage of being mad and now I find myself just sad about it. My expectations for people are usually pretty high, but this has left me feeling like maybe I should lower my expectations about people in order to avoid getting hurt when they don't live up to them.
This even happened when I moved back to Dallas. My expectations for being back in this town, surrounded with people that I have known almost my whole life, in a city where I run into someone I know almost everywhere, and going to church with others instead of by myself were sky high. I thought my days of staying home alone on a Friday or Saturday night were long gone. Granted, there haven't been very many, but my expectations were none!!! Once again, it has been a let down in terms of my high expectations for what life was going to be like here.
So, why do I keep doing this to myself? God is trying to teach me something through it I know! He has been reminding me over and over again that if I put my trust in people or things, I WILL be let down...but if I put my trust in Him, He will NEVER fail me or forsake me. Why is this so hard for me to learn...and even harder to put into practice?
In high school, my youth pastor, Buddy, gave a message on the following verse and it still is one of my favorite verses on trust:
O my people, trust in him at all times.
Pour out your heart to him,
for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:8
Trusting in God isn't just an occasional thing...it says at ALL times! I feel like I continually pour my heart out to God and ask why or why not about things, and then go seek refuge in something else or someone else. Those things and people never fully satisfy my heart, because God alone is my refuge!!! How silly to go looking for it somewhere else...and then be disappointed when it's not comforting or refuge-like!
I love the way it written in this verse:
But blessed are those who trust in the Lord
and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. Jeremiah 17:7
So, my goal is to begin to put my hope and confidence where I should...in the Lord! I tend to be overly confident about some things...but I need to work on my confidence being in the Lord and the fact that He won't ever let me down!!! So instead of lowering my expectations of people and things, I want to be able to understand that when I feel let down by them, I am not destroyed because I have placed my trust, hope and confidence in someone else...
Matt, Seema, me and Todd on the party bus
